NASDAQ: TSLA; Why you claim that you rich? That’s a false claim

It’s 4:00 PM EST. You’ve been bagging groceries all day at the local Neighborhood Walmart and dreaming about a future filled with flying cars, universal healthcare, and social justice. That’s right, you’ve stopped taking your medication again and started investing heavily in NASDAQ: TSLA. Unfortunately, spending 6 years studying for an advanced degree in gender studies was only the second worst decision of your life.

While most people know $TSLA for the man behind the curtain, Elon Musk, few people know of the origin of the word Tesla. Named after Nikola Tesla, a Serbian American inventor and futurist, the word Tesla stems from a Serbian surname given to carpenters. For a company that prides itself on futuristic technology and progress, carpentry is an oddly antiquated and regressive name-sake.

It should be no surprise then when self proclaimed $TSLA analysts, supposed experts, proudly tweet $TSLA’s business plan in crude crayon:

As Kirk has so enthusiastically pointed out, $TSLA’s business plan appears to be the equivalent of a child’s lemonade stand. Only, you might understand, even forgive, a small child unable to meet lemonade production demands, but not a grown man.

Why is $TSLA struggling so hard to get off the ground?

While many investors may have hopes of seeing a flying car in the next decade, let us explore why this is not likely.

  1. Big Heli – Large helicopter companies have a vested interest in prevent direct competition. This poses a large airborne moat for $TSLA in the development and regulation of flying cars. If you think Airbus Helicopters will be quick to give up market share you would be sorely mistaken.
  2. Gas Mileage – In today’s eco-driven world, airborne motor vehicles will struggle to meet the strict emissions regulations dictated by nanny-like state and federal governments. This flies directly in the face of progress and disincentives the development of more efficient airborne motor vehicles (AMV).
  3. Flying While Intoxicated – The recent adoption of 420-friendly laws has posed a serious risk to AMV’s. Local law enforcement is severely under-equipped for airborne assault and would require massive injections of tax-payer dollars to train police officers in the detainment of high flyers.

Futurists may argue that Elon Musk can overcome these obstacles and more, but your humble writer disagrees. Only time will tell; is Elon Musk truly an iron man? Or, is he a modern day Icarus, wax winged and too high?

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